I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
