I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
