garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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