New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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