My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
