i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
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It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
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Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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