my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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