Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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