Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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