he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
