Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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