i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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