dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
