no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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