i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
