She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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