I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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