I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Randomize
