:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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