Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
