She announced her abortion via fbk
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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