the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
