Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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