omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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