porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
two words...techno handjob
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
