I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
