Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
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i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
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If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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