Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize