If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
