Christians are straight up FREAKS
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
