I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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