I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
