I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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