I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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