I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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