Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
