Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
