i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
