So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
