I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
