I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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