Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
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I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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