Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
