Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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