I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
