hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
honey bunches of taint.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
