You can't special order awesome
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This is my gift to your gina
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
