In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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