fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
