Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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