Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
