Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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