Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
