My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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