I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
