I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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