So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
