He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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