Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
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I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize