basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
