for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
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Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
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How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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