I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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