im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
