dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
